Tiger's new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She
said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a
hole-in-one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball
400 yards........

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They
went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide
between a wood and an iron.

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat
Tiger!

More Tiger Stuff:-

Tiger & Wife Christmas Card:-

Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers.
They are said to be named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

Word that Elin Woods was using a golf club as a "Rescue Club" now has been proved to be untrue as it now appears she was actually trying to knock the shit out of the Driver.

News travels fast.
The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods' crash.
They are calling it, "Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger".

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?
Cheetah

The Tiger Woods alleged “Mistress Count” is up to ten. Eight more and he’ll be playing 18 holes.


?He Did How many?

Tiger's 10 Rumored Flings

So Far 12/08/2009


Cori Rist

The New Yorker got involved with the golfer after meeting him at a club in Manhattan, according to the New York Post. Says her ex husband’s girlfriend on Rist and Woods’ involvement, “I am not surprised at all.”




Mindy Lawton

The 33-year-old pancake-house waitress claimed Woods dumped her in 2007 after National Enquirer cameras caught the pair having sex in his SUV outside her trailer in April 2007. “Tiger just used me as his sex toy,” Lawton told a British tabloid over the weekend.




Jaimee Grubs

A 24-year-old Las Vegas-based cocktail waitress who told Us Weekly she had 20 sexual encounters with Woods in about three years. The golfer left her a voicemail urging her to delete her name from her cell phone’s outgoing message because his wife Elin Nordegren had found out about their affair.




Rachel Uchitel

One of the golfer’s pals paid for a plane ticket for the 33-year-old VIP club hostess to meet Woods at an Australian golf tournament last month. Woods allegedly paid her “at least a million dollars” to keep quiet about their affair, according to the daughter of Uchitel’s lawyer.




Kalika Moquin

Her pals have told media outlets the 27-year-old Las Vegas-based club employee is no longer involved with the father of two.




Jamie Jungers

The 26-year-old — who reportedly met Woods in Vegas — worked for Trashy Girls, a lingerie line and entertainment agency.




Holly Sampson

According to the Sun, Woods was involved with this 36-year-old porn actress, who has starred in flicks such as “OMG, Stop Tickling Me” and “Flying Solo 2.” She has neither confirmed nor denied the reports.




A VIP Club Hostess

An unnamed 26-year-old from Orlando, Fla. claims to have carried on a two-year affair with the married golfer. “The woman was 20 when Tiger approached her,” her lawyer told the New York Post. Now a corporate employee, “she has not come forward… out of respect for Woods.”




A British TV Broadcaster

According to the London Sun, Woods would “hook up” with this woman while in England. “His fling… was the talk of the PGA,” says the paper.



A Older Woman

British reports claim Woods also had dalliances with a “sex-addicted cougar,” although not much is known about her… yet.


Joslyn James

Porn actress Veronica Siwik-Daniels from Las Vegas, who performs under the name Joslyn James and was Woods’ “full-time” mistress, according to Deadspin.com.

“Last Friday, Tiger Woods hit a tree and a bunch of ladies fell out,” —Seth Meyers on “Saturday Night Live’s” “Weekend Update”

Top Ten Ways Tiger Woods Can Improve His Image

10. Crash a State Dinner at the White House
9. Change name from “Tiger” to more adorable “Puppy”
8. Fix this whole healthcare mess
7. Put on a scarf and a hat and sing Christmas carols with Regis
6. Instead of sweatshops in Asia, have Nike merchandise made in a sweatshop right here in the USA
5. Retire, then come back and play for the Vikings
4. Safely land golf cart in the Hudson river
3. Release list of women he did not have sex with
2. Find Osama bin Laden
1. Blame Letterman

“One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express.”

Why did Tiger Woods leave the house so early in the morning? He had a 2:30 tree time.

What do a Cadillac SUV and a Nike golf ball have in common? Tiger Woods can drive them both into the trees.

“In fact, so many women are coming forward they are now doing a TV show about it called,

‘Tiger and Kate Plus 8,’”

It is near the Christmas break of the school year.

The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.

All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"